Are you struggling with figuring out how to control your anger? Yelling sometimes seems to come with the territory of parenting. Yelling isn’t something a parent means to do, it’s just something that happens when you’re overwhelmed or frustrated. Of course, parents aren’t the only ones that get angry and yell. Spouses, strangers, and even coworkers can get angry and yell at one another.
I never wanted to be one of THOSE parents – you know the ones that you see yelling at their kids non-stop. I was going to be that peaceful mom whose kids perfectly behaved because I'd do EVERYTHING right from the beginning. I laugh now thinking about how perfect of a mom I was BEFORE I had kids. I didn't know that my oldest would be stubborn (just like both myself & his father) or that my second son would have autism and push me to my limits in trying to convey simple things to him. I just knew I wouldn't be one of those moms. Then reality set in & I bawled one night after I had screamed at the kids to just GO TO BED. I had become that mom!
Knowing that wasn't what I wanted was the first step in becoming the type of mom I could be proud of. Since you are reading this, you've probably realized you yell too much and want to know how to calm down. It is possible, but it involves changing your mindset, admitting you've been doing things wrong, and being willing to keep saying you're sorry while you try to change how you react.
7 Tips For How To Control Your Anger And Stop Yelling
Take a deep breath: Stop and breath! One of the best ways for you to know how to control your anger is to just stop and take a break and learn to prevent yourself from yelling and making the situation worse. You can actually stop at any point. It’s a personal choice to continue being angry and yelling, so it only makes sense to stop and take a deep breath.
Talk it out: Again, yelling when you get upset is a personal choice. One way to stop yelling is to actually talk it out. Take the time to talk about what is actually making you angry. Sometimes this can be talking to someone outside that is objective, and other times it can be talking things out with the person you are angry at.
Be held accountable: If anger is a real problem for you and you find that you do a lot of yelling as a result, it’s best if you have someone help you out. Your spouse is a good one for this as you probably trust them the most. You may also find a friend or family member you can talk to when you get frustrated and feel anger making you unable to control your actions. For some, counseling or even stress reducing habits is vital for how to control anger and stop yelling. For me, my best friend was the best choice.
Avoid stressful situations: Yelling often comes when one is angry or stressed out. If this is happening to you, then you need to avoid those stressful situations. I may work while my kids are awake from time to time, but I always stop working if I feel myself getting stressed out. Trying to write a blog post while four kids are just being kids (i.e. horsing around, jumping while playing a video game, or just wanting my attention) doesn't work out so well. I'd find my fuse getting shorter each time I was interrupted You may also need to take a break from the situation. Sometimes, as moms especially, we forget about self-care and that we need a break. Use some of these me time ideas for stay at home moms to help you refocus and renew.
Find a physical reminder: Find something that makes you stop yelling as soon as you see it. Maybe it’s the color red or you print out a sign that reminds you to stop yelling. Whatever you do, find a physical reminder of why you want to stop yelling. A stress ball or a piece of jewelry with a token or talisman are other great things to keep on hand to remind you. I love the idea of a worry stone since they are small enough to keep in any pocket and a great way to help you calm down.
Ask the other person how it makes them feel: I have been yelled at in my lifetime and each time, I always felt lower than low. Keep this in mind as you yell at another person out of anger, and ask them how it makes them feel. Yelling may seem like it works, but it only makes a person feel sadder and doesn’t make you feel any better at all. Children may stop when you yell at them, but it doesn't solve the issue and may make things worse in the long run.
Find a stress reliever: Maybe stress is what makes you want to yell all of the time. If this is the case, then find a stress reliever. Whether you’re into running, walking, hiking, reading, chatting, or crafting – find something else to focus all of that energy and stress on. It's important for how to control anger that you find a way to get rid of the stress that is aggravating you and making you yell at those around you.
You may also want to consider reading some books on anger management to help you refocus and learn to control your emotions.
- Anger: Handling A Powerful Emotion In A Healthy Way
- Anger: Wisdom For Cooling The Flames
- The Anger Trap: Free Yourself From the Frustrations That Sabotage Your Life
If you find yourself struggling with anger, you may realize that yelling is one of the biggest symptoms you exhibit. How to control anger and stop yelling at those around you is truly unique for each person. Many find things like eliminating stress to be just the tool needed. Others may find they need counseling from an outside party to figure out what the source of their uncontrolled anger may be.