Sometimes the way we say things to our children can make a big difference in the way our children respond. These Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Child are a must for those wanting to have a more positive parenting outlook. Not only do we want to be an example of how our children should talk to other people, but we want them to communicate effectively.
7 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Child
“Hurry, let’s go”: Children are just little people and the same frustration you feel when being rushed is exactly the stress your child feels when they are rushed. Instead of telling your child to hurry up, see who can get done the fastest, who can get their shoes on first, or who gets to the door first. Making it a game takes the pressure to perform off.
“Get over here, now”: Where are your manners? When we tell our kids to do something, now, we are teaching them that it is ok not to use manners. Even telling them to do something like a simple get over here can teach bad habits. Instead, say, “Please, stand by me” or “Please come with me.” We love this book to help teach manners: 365 Manners Kids Should Know
“Don’t talk to strangers”: If you tell your kids not to talk to strangers, they may not say anything when the lady at the cash register asks how old they are or wave when the neighbor lady says hi. You want your child to be able to know the difference between a bad guy and showing manners.
Instead, give your child a scenario of if a man with a puppy asks if you want to see the other puppies in his truck. Talk to your kids about what can happen if they leave with a stranger and what they should do in a situation like that.
“Obey adults”: This kind of goes with the stranger danger. Not all adults are OK to obey. It is important to teach your child which adults they should listen to and which adults they shouldn’t listen to. Instead, tell your child to listen to their parents, teachers, grandparents, and specific adults. Talk about situations that you shouldn’t obey an adult and why.
“Did you have fun at school?” Whether they admit it or not, children want to talk to you, but this simple question is going to be a simple, yes. Instead, ask open-ended questions that prompt your child to actively engage in the conversation like “What did you like best at school today and why?”
Good boy,” “Good girl or “I am so proud of you”: It is important to praise your children, but the way in which you praise them will have different consequences. Your children need to know why they are a good boy or good girl. You don’t want them to constantly seek that praise. Instead, say things like “Wow, you must be so proud of yourself for all the hard work you did” or “I love how patient you were at the store.” I recommend reading this book to learn more about how to properly praise your child: 5 Love Languages for Children
“What were you thinking?” When you come to your child with a response like this, you immediately trigger a defensive mechanism in their brain. Instead of solving the problem together, you could cause a fight or other deviant behavior. Instead, ask your children, “Where did we get on the wrong page?” or “What can we do to make this right?” This response will help them problem solve and prevent them from becoming defensive.
Before you say something to your child, think about how you would react to the same thing. Remember, your children are just little people who feel, think, and respond the same way you do. Think first, speak later, and always be respectful in your speech. Be careful about the things you say to your children in jest, in anger, and in frustration. Think through your words just as you would tell them to do so before they speak.
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- 20 Ways to Become a Better Mom
- 7 Positive Parenting Tips to Become a More Patient Mom
- 7 Tips to Control Your Anger and Stop Yelling
- 12 Positive Parenting Actions Your Kids Should See You Do
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